Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes

         Historically, culturally, and traditionally the yearbook has come to be the showcase for who we are as we develop through our school years. Every page of a yearbook contains a memory-- more often than not a memory that is not your own, or that now eludes you.  I was intrigued at the importance of memory as self-identity, and through the exploration of my past yearbooks began to find that who we are stems from what we do; I am the person I am today because of all my memories that stem from my activities throughout my life. I have never enjoyed being placed into a box as a “theatre kid”, yet the pages of my yearbooks place a spotlight on only that aspect of my identity. I wanted a forum to explore the duality of interests and the duality of identity. I decided to present memories as self-identity through not only myself, but also through my two close friends Kevin Scarlett and Morgan Williams. The three of us are theatre majors here at Rollins, but we also have other interests, memories, and identities that have no relation to the stage.
        I selected the 2004 Tomokan (the last yearbook published for Rollins) to be the casing for my project. I enjoyed the collective memory that surrounds a yearbook, and thought the pre-printed pages of a class past would render more familiarity between the identities my friends and I ascribe to ourselves, to those of alum past. I then heightened the interactive nature of the yearbook by including pieces of script, academia, or sheet music as they applied to the memory and identity of the subject of focus on the page. 
       I selected the method of tape transfer to be my main method for presenting the photograph because I thought it visually depicted the flow of memory and the images that can be evoked, it also allowed for the images to be apart of the pages rather than sit atop them. The tape method was particularly effective where other types of memory were addressed on the page, as in: Kevin’s swimming page, where the sense memory of chlorine and water evoked the feeling of being underwater, as well as the muscle memory of swimming and diving; and in Morgan’s sorority page, wherein she recollects the many events that occurred associated with Mayflower Hall and the collective memory of sisters before her. In all of the aforementioned examples, memory played a significant part of the facet of the individual depicted; and also allowed for the recognition of identity through occurrences or images.

Final Stages (pun intended)

http://socrates.berkeley.edu/~kihlstrm/SelfIdentityMemory.htm

I have pretty mcuh finished up the ptoject. I'm just in search of a good quote to inspire me in my artist statement. I've done some outside research on memory as self identity, and the above article had an interesting thoughts about self identity as an intricate part of status....I had never though that far into it.

Have a great break everyone! I can't wait to see everyone's projects!

Fin.

I love my Mayflower person to pieces. I will lead with that. But I could not be more content that her portion of the class is done. We met on Saturday (for when ended up being 5 hours long) to further discuss her presentation...and she just has no idea what she wants. Still. And then decided to hand me about 10 more pictures she wanted in the book, so I ended up doing about four more page entries on Sunday. Like I said, love Fran to pieces...but I don't typically do the whole procrastination thing, so that was a little off-putting. All in all, good experience though. I'm excited to see our presentations tomorrow!

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming

I am still plugging along on my photobook. I have made a lot of progress (plus side) but am nowhere near down (downside).

Most of the ideas I had for my book in terms of layout and such actually worked out marvelously, so that was exciting. My photobook is now interactive, as I managed to find playbills, and script sections of the shows I am conveying memory/identity of Morgan Williams and Kevin Scarlett through. And as I was working on it this weekend a strange revelation came to me: Here I am creating this book about memory as self identity, and as part of that identify as an actor (I learned the term is no longer gendered), which in its essence requires that I take the identity of others and portray them. Kind of mind boggling....

Photobook

I am having a quarter-life crisis in attempting to construct my photobook on self-identity. I am overly involved on campus, and as I start to examine what activities I do that "define" me I start to feel like some of the other things I am involved in are rather futile and if they don't define me, then why do I do them?

Then I started thinking about the things we forget. There are tons of "significant" moments in my life that have lead to what defines me, and I honestly do not remember them. My first lead-role in a show? Complete blur. My first time in a courtroom? Couldn't tell ya. I don't know if these things are due to the adrenaline overdose that is performance, but I just feel like, if its apart of who I am, shouldn't those memories be cherished and in some black-box part of my mind?

IMAGE OVEROAD

I have spent this entire weekend scouring for the images I am going to use for my book, as well as mourning the loss of my sim card that had the photos I had already taken for my book a week ago. So, it seems another photoshoot is in order. Joyous.
I feel like a super-stalker because I spent hours on facebook searching for the images I need, and all in all it has proved less than calming to track them down.
I plan on coming to class tomorrow with the materials and pieces I am going to use in my book, and planning exactly the methods/assembly I will use. But for the most part my selection of photos is done (hopefully thats the easy part).

Tomokan

Firstly, a question: Is it "tomOkan" or "Tom-ah-kin" (like the Native American tool thing??)

     Now description: In lieu of my typical innate response to do it all, and the likelihood I would freak out and be less than successful, I have re-thought this assignment (shocking I am sure).
     I am now doing a photo book on memory as self identity, and I will focus on some of my memories and how they have been integrated into my self identity- but I didn't want to limit myself to the theatre major box, so I am not. I am exploring all the different identities, activities, and values I have (as an actor, musician, and "lawyer") . I will do pages on myself and what I think defines me, as well as a few pages on two of my close friends from theatre, and show how the way someone is "presented" in a play, or in a yearbook, is not all there is to them. I am going to be presenting this in somewhat of a year-book essence, as my friend Kevin is an athlete, as well as psychology major, and my other friend Morgan is an art history major as well as theater, and is also in a sorority. Not going to lie...I'm pretty stoked for this now.

Namaste.

Stress, Gluesticks, and Ink Pen Hunting

I thought today's class was really interesting. The quick essays I found really helpful. I thought it was interesting how we all have read the same redings and yet have completely different outlooks on what memeory is--which to me is th essence of memory. Amy and I were given the same questions, and agreed often, but where we differed neither of us was incorrect, just different. Memory is not one aspect, one framework, or one result. Which i think we all need to keep in mind--we all need to be a bit freed from attempting to be "right". Memory, even when taken from a psychological perspective, is still very personal.

I found Fran very helpful too, and her perspective on the photos we looked at reminded me that I may be doing a page that I think is absolutely perfect and an accurate representation of what I am trying to portray, but its all completely subjective.
 

Sidenote: Where the heck is this artist store where I can get the paint pen thing?

Iconic Photos

We were asked in today's class to come up with some iconic photos and examine how they affect/evoke differences among us, so here are a few I came up  with:

After our discussion today I started to think about collective memory, and how few of these occurences happened while I was alive, but I have a memory of them , and it occurrs to me that as relates to our cultural memory the events and images that are collectively passed on among us are those that threatened our nationality ( I think.)

I found this picture (stumbleupon!!!!) of two men after a Holi festival. And I really enjoyed it because for me, it really is gives me an understanding of punctum. To me the punctum is not the joy or color on their faces, but the fact that in the bottom right corner you can see that one man has his arm around the other one. I don't know why, but I really enjoyed that...thus it is posted.

Mayflower Folk

I had a delightful dinner with Fran today, and as we worked on her book we talked alot about the generational gap and explored photography as pertains to that. It was so interesting! How much effort was put into pictures "back in the day"....where as today I'm content if I so much as have mascara on in the picture. And its not even because of a change in "standard" I don't think. I think it has more to do with that our accessibility, and it has desensitized us (as Fran puts it). I think it is most evident in her photos of her son, and its interesting to have a book of a life, in pictures, that pretty much charts the difference in photography over the decades.

Found Photography

As we have started reading about found photography, I started looking for some random photos. I'm a bit perplexed at this found photography section, as I had no particular connection to any of the photos I found. I still try and understand why people collect them. And while I find other people's photos interesting, I still don't get someone collecting them by the hundreds. I think found photography has more to do with imagery and the value society has for photos, than actual memory-connections. Of these photos I found I have no memory connected to any of them, but I appreciate each of them for their "face value".

Progress

     In the past week my Mayflower person, Fran, and I have continued to talk about what her vision for her book is-- and in an effort to speed along the process, I made her a CD of songs that I thought might have themes she would like to explore, as well as found some life quotes she may like to use. She had a few Rollins students do a project about her, and gave me the essay they wrote, which I think might be nice information to use in her album and take sections from. She also gave me a letter she wrote upon her return to Germany post-WWII, and I also chose some sections from that that she may like to use (with the intent of making the book somewhat of a living letter to her family). She has chosen to make it more auto-biographical, but wants to focus on her middle ages onward rather than her childhood and the Holocaust. I have been searching for some pictures for her to use from places she has traveled to, and also finally located the original Howard Johnson logo that was used while she worked there. I purchased some materials for her that she may like to use in her book as well. I get the impression that she wants it to be more artistic (she is very into the arts and painting and theatre) so I am researching some ways to make that happen, while also preserving the artifacts she has chosent to include, such as old photos, newsprint articles, documents, etc.
     I have also been thinking about my book as well, and in working on Fran's have come to find that I want to change my approach a bit too- and since I am using a Rollins yearbook I have come to like the idea ofmaking my final project a bit more personal, and more about my values and what I hope to share or instill into the subsequent classes of Rollins. As I looked through the class of 2004s pictures (prior to ripping them out) it occurred to me that the yearbook doesnt actually portray one single year in time, the relationships displayed on the pages were years in the making--and is the epitome of memory and photo, and I relly enjoyed that-- and liked the freedom it gave me to be less literal with the assignment. So instead, I still want to explore the different avenues of memory through images, but I want to do them as relate to me and my memories, or what I hope to remember-- knowing that they too have been years in the making. I want to explore some of teh things in my life that I have kind of put on the backburner in terms of "discovery", because the reality is that 2013 is a hell of alot closer than I think.

Photography website

Heres a super cool webpage I found!!!

http://www.photographyserved.com/gallery/White-_-Black/489155

Final Project

I thought about this project for awhile, and I cannot convieve a way to express my thoughts for my project other than to list what my pages will depict/represent...I'm still struggling to find a theme.
My project will be in book form, and will be placed in an old Tomokan (Rollins Year Book), I chose this to represent where I am in life, and express my thoughts and memories through photography, while also relating what memory is. I decided I will not be in any of the actual pictures, but would like to be the one behind the lens on this one; but still depicting through some of the different types of memory my 'views' on some things.

Page 1: Collective Memory- Historical/cultural. This page will actually be viewed from the cover, as I plan to create a window form the cover to this page. I want to create an old polariod picture feel to this page, but having the image inside the whit border be an over with a hot coil to express the notion of collective memeory; we may not have actually touched the orange coils but we all have "learned" not to.

Page 2: Memory and Testimony- Picture of a brain with pin points that all say "memory" to express that memory is not one section of the brain, and it is for that reason that when memory is called upon it is often faulty. So to express this, I want to place sentences around the image saying "He had on a green shirt and red pants" and another "He had on a red shirt and green pants" or something along those lines.

Page 3/4 (spread): Flashbulb Memory- I haven't quite worked this one out yet, but I am thinking about finding a picture of someone in profile, and place them on the page so it appears that they are looking at an image, and then having related pictures seem to stream through their mind. I haven't thought about what the images will be, or what of my values I want them to represent....

Page 5: Trauma- I want to find an antiquated picture and burn holes through it, and stain it, and maybe in the holes put different images- like how we superimpose our memories as a means of self defense. Again I haven;t thought about what types of images, but maybe something will come to me when we get to the taruma readings.

Page 6: Socialization and Identity Formation- I'm thinking for this one of doing a maze that leads to an image, potentially doing a commentary on materialism, having various shoes, purses, etc in the maze and then having the "solved" end be a famous advertisement.

Page 7/8: Memory/Time/Perception- I havent decided where I want to go with this one. I either want to do two separate pages where one page has an image and the second page has the same image that has been altered, a "One of these things is not like the other". Or I want to do a page on optical illusions for perception. I may combine the two and make this two sepereate pages, I am still up in the air. The third thing I thought of was to take an image and purposefully put in ont the pages in sections, where every section progressively changes what you see in the image-- finding said image I feel will be super difficult.

Page 9: Persoanl Identity- I am going to construct this one and have a photoshoot, simply because it will be impossible to find. What I want is to take a photo of someone looking at a picture standing in front of a mirror, but to have their face in the mirror only reflect the image they are looking at (to use that pen technique we learned). I do not know what the image is, but I think i will leave that up to whoever I ask to pose for me, so that its more authentic.

Page 10: Digital Networking- having an image of a camera in hands, but in the LCD screen have images/collage of images depicting technology and instantenous living (times square, etc).

Power

In the last class we talked about what is found photography, and what is involved in the action of taking a photo, and one of the comments was that we pose when someone is taking our photo because as the object of focus we have no power over what the frame will look like. I agree with this statement, but it also seems odd to me, because why then so we continuously in today's technological society subject ourselves to so many photos? So many chances to not be viewed as we would like to be, so many instances where a photo can just be god awful, and so many frames of the same pose, the same head position, the same people?

Is it a desire to preserve a memory and moment in time? Or is it a means to keep our image up?

http://memophoto.wordpress.com/

This link has an interesting article about mememory and photo, it relates to alot of what we have already talked about in class, but uses some different words for the same concepts we have discussed.

This is a photo of one of my favorite singers, Ingrid Michaelson.

I really enjoyed this picture, because I felt that it captured the essence of her and her music; I love that this photo just seems very bare and natural, and the exaggeration of her glasses accentuates the intelligence with which she writes.

Even removing what I know about Ingrid Michaelson (which, as we have studied is somewhat impossible) I still love the aesthetics of this photo. I tend to enjoy simplistic photography, and black and white photos, more than others.

“Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose”

 -Kevin Arnold

Passion

There are many things that I am passionate about in life, and among them is music. There are few things, that when I am feeling at my worst and am in the foulest of moods, make me feel content, and music is always number one.

I loved this picture because it evoked in me the thought of just how powerful music can be. I think back on some of the memories in my life and there is almost a asoundtrack to every major event in my life. Thinking about Houston and my grandparents ranch, and the Red Door BBQ (thing sthat defined my early existence) the song is "The stars at night/ are big and bright/ deep in the heart of Texas <clap, clap, clap, clap>". My Dad is "Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlisle. Times in Celebration are the cliche "Celebrate good times/ C'mon!". 9/11 is Jewel's "Hands" which she wrote right after the event, and consistently makes me cry. Parker Jackson's death is Sarah McLachlan's "Angel". High School is our alma mater and "Graduation" by Vitamin C. Fuz E's death is "Fire and Rain" by James Taylor. One of my favorite days so far at college is High School Musical's "Can I Have This Dance?". And the best date ever of my life is with out a doubt "All I Ask of You" from Phantom. And the break-up that still aches my heart is Taylor Swift's "Breathe".

So much of my life and memory I equate to music, and so much of music equates to emotions I have experienced. I think its a good and bad thing, because to an extent I have no control over what music can evoke in me, but its an interesting power, and makes me question whether music (or memory) is truly inanimate.

I found this picture, and chose to upload it because it just makes me so calm and content. 

This picture just sums up how I feel about the sea, and makes me think of  how every time I go, I just feel at peace and in touch with me. It also makes me think of why  I love the ocean, because really for me, its the only place that I can go and let go. I go surfing, because I love the ocean, and also because its the only time I feel truly free--which is ironic because I'm not free really, but have just surrendered myself to the massive being that is the sea.

The ocean is also where I go when I need to feel closer to something greater than myself, and I can't go to the ocean and not just know that there is more to life, and something greater out there.

I uploaded this picture of Taylor Swift for two reasons, both rather shallow: I love her, and I love the ocean.

I am so proud of myself this year because I have stuck to my guns on so many things, and made such a conscious effort to improve; and Taylor Swift's music is part of what inspires me to do that. Its odd to have someone to look up to when you are almost 20, but I really do look up to her. I have spent so long being moderately-happy that I am really conscious now of the things that make me genuinely happy, and  I think thats why I enjoy her music so much, because it reminds me of so many things that I have been through that were not so happy, and yet I look at where I am now, and I know that it all happened for a reason.

Plus, nothing makes me happier than frolicking on the shore! 

I decided to add this image to my blog because it is something we discussed in my International Politics course--we were discussing world view and perception, and Professor Chong brought this picture up in class. If you look closely in the bottom left corner there is a man's face among the coffee beans. I loved this photo for two reasons: 1) I'm a barista and I LOVE coffee and 2) things are not always what they seem, and once you realize a change in something it alters the way you see it, just like memory--if you know something now that you didn't know then, it alters you perception of the initial occurrence. 

Photobook 1: What's in a name

     The theme for my photo book is stories-- specifically the contrasts I can see in myself and my experiences throughout my life story. A photo is only ever a snapshot, but there is always an entire string of occurrences that happen before a piece of film is ever imprinted with an image.
     I took images that have a strong impact for me, and combined them in contrasting ways on every page. I put these images on a backdrop of newsprint because I liked the idea that we are surrounded by stories everywhere: in news, in people, in books, in plays. On the cover I signed my name because I liked the idea that we are not defined by one single aspect of ourselves-- I may do theatre and relish in the double entendre that is the line "What's in a name?" but it is not what defines me. Just as memory is the sum of its parts of knowledge past and present, so is man.

Photo #1

      I chose this image for two main reasons: it represents my love for the theatre arts and my love and pride in my family. I took this picture in the house seats next to mine at Cirque du Soleil which my Mom surprised me and got me tickets (front row dead center!!!) to for my 19th birthday last year. I remember it was the best gift ever, because at the time I was really struggling with classes, and was homesick, and I also got to see premier theatre take place right in front of me and just escape the world and follow some other story for awhile. I remember sitting in the audience about half way through the show wowed at just how much I had learned in a year-- I knew how the lighting design and effects worked, how the traps worked. For the first time in the whole year I realized I was growing up. And it was a super weird feeling. I think it was one of the only times in my life I was 100% confident in my decisions, and knew why I was doing things, and what impact my experiences would have on my future. I look at this picture and I am just inspired and overjoyed at the memory it stirs. Plus I think it was a pretty artsy pic, by my standards. 


     I realize that we are instructed to give our expectations for this course. I cannot provide you with any expectations-- I have decided to strive to live my life with few expectations, that way I am not let down when people fail to meet them, but can be pleasantly surprised when my usually high standards are met or exceeded (we'll see how long this lasts). I can however provide you with my hopes and desires for this course: I hope to learn more about my own memory and re-examine some of my own thoughts and memories that I hold to be true and an intricate aspect of my life, I also hope to make stronger human connections with not only my classmates, but also the residents of the Mayflower. As for my desires: I desire to be inspired. Thus far I have found the material captivating, testing, and thought provoking. I hope that continues.